Perinatologist

We met the peri on May 25th. We left an hour and a half before the appointment and barely made it. For the future, we will need to give ourselves more time in case we can't find parking. It was pretty ridiculous! Anyway, once we parked, we had the fun task of figuring out what floor and where the office we were looking for was located. When we found it, I thought it seemed very small. Of course when we walk in there are pregnant women and a couple with an infant. What can I expect; it is an office that also deals with pregnant women after all. Unfortunately I'm still in that stage of being jealous of other pregnant women mothers and bitter that I haven't been able to be where they're at. *sigh*

Anyway, I fill out 20 minutes worth of paperwork and then we get directions on where to go for the consult. The instructions say "ultrasound directions" and at the bottom there is a portion for non-pregnancy consult. The woman who gave me the paper gave me directions herself, altering some of the last bit for where to go, and sent us on our way. If it takes you more than 10 seconds to tell me where to go, how the hell am I going to remember it?! By the way, she was wrong on some of what she said.

We ended up finding it and getting to the right place. We met with the peri and she was super nice. Right off the bat she was asking the get to know you questions. What did you major in? What do you do? Oh, you two are opposites too? My husband and I are total opposites. It was awesome! Then she got to the serious stuff. What happened? We relived the losses and she gave her advice. First, she said there is no evidence that I have an incompetent cervix. It's possible, given I've had two LEEPs, but at this point, my cervix didn't behave in a typical IC way and thus, she doesn't think that's our problem. She said that a cerclage should never be placed in a case where there is any pain or any bleeding (I had both during both pregnancies when the one OB suggested cerclage) because it's a contraindication. It made total sense the way she was saying it. After this loss I had a pretty big feeling that it wasn't IC because of the pain I had and the fact that the same thing happened after "fixing" the problem.

Her first thought was infection. Most often in cases of PPROM this early that is a common factor. She suggested vaginal infection vs. urinary tract infection, which is all they check for at prenatal appointments. She said that at each prenatal appointment I need to be checked for any kind of vaginal infection, whether it's yeast or bacterial vaginosis (BV). BV actually makes a lot of sense. A few years ago I had a yeast infection and then two back to back cases of BV within a one year period. Never before or after but thinking back, I may have had mild symptoms during pregnancy that were similar to BV. It's so hard to say now and I honestly never suspected anything at the time. I thought maybe I had a UTI since I had one early in this last pregnancy but didn't notice any symptoms except frequent urination, which I told my doctor about the day before we lost Parker, but it was negative. It makes sense that maybe I was experiencing an infection, just a different one than I or the doctors thought.

Next she said I should take a prophylactic dose of aspirin once we establish a heartbeat. This can help cover any other bases in case there is something else causing the losses that we don’t' know about. After she said that I suggested blood clotting disorders. She said she didn't think that was it but asked if there was a history of it in my family. I told her my father had a stroke last year at 47. She said that is young and decided to go ahead and order my doctors office in town to do the thrombophilia work-up. She thought maybe it was more than we needed to do at this point but it was better to be safe than sorry. I'm so glad she decided to do that. I've done some research and it has led me to the conclusion it is entirely possible that I have a clotting disorder. Maybe I don't, but based on studies and other women with similar situations, it could be.

It was a really great meeting overall. She seems super proactive and wants to monitor me much more often, especially considering my predisposition to having IC because of my LEEPs. I'm not sure when she'll start, but she did say at some point she will want to be doing ultrasounds every two weeks. More chances to look at our little one! That, with the infection monitoring and aspirin (or more if there is a clotting disorder), should hopefully help me give birth to a living child to hold in my arms.

Now we just need to decide when to start trying again. The peri said 4-6 weeks after a D&C and we're cleared to go. I just about had a panic attack after she said that. Way too soon! I just don't feel emotionally ready to try again. I'm still a little bit of a wreck. I know for sure I want to wait until we get the results of the thrombophilia tests, just in case it is something more serious and we need to take other preventative measures to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I'm on AF #1 since Parker; it only took 6 weeks to get here! We at least want to wait one more. Part of me wants to wait and enjoy the summer with my hubby. The other part is screaming "I want a baby!" I'm scared that maybe we won't be so lucky to get pregnant on the first try and we'll have to work at it. Also, what if we have another loss? That's more heartbreak and another set-back to building our family together. I feel like we're running out of time.

Andrew, on the other hand, seems reluctant to try again so soon. He's really worried about our finances. It would be different if our pregnancy with Holden was successful and we had a baby at home today. Unfortunately, we're paying for two pregnancies and miscarriages and are greatly in debt due to it. In the last month we've had about $2000 worth of bills, not to mention the $500 we paid for the cerclage and the additional $1500 we still owe on it that we have yet to see the bill for. Plus, we owed on taxes this year and that has increased our credit card debt significantly. I also really want to find a new job since I very likely won't have one after January, and that is pretty scary to both of us. Ugh.

I'm feeling much more confident than I have in a while. We have a new doctor who deals with high risk pregnancies everyday. The thing she said that really sticks out in my mind is that she has had to do cerclages on women that come in and, though they don't know it, they're already 4cm dilated. She's pushing membranes back in and sewing up the cervix while she sees a foot go by. Seriously, how awesome is that?! That's the kind of doctor I want. Someone who is experienced and seriously knows what she's talking about. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that the third time will be the charm for us. I don't know if my heart can handle losing another baby. There is not enough left to lose any more.