Paranoid

With my doctor's appointment so far away, I'm starting to get paranoid about my pregnancy. For one, lack of morning sickness. I gagged for the first time a couple of days ago. It happened again yesterday when I wiped up where my dog vomited in her kennel. It also happened this morning when I was getting breakfast and when I brushed my teeth. The kitchen has always been horrible for me when pregnant because even if it doesn't smell bad, just the smell of normal food can set me off. Aside from the gagging, I haven't really been nauseous. I've had a little bit of headaches in the morning and when I eat too big of a breakfast, like an entire bagel and glass of orange juice (so huge, right?), sometimes I'll feel a little sick. Still, I haven't had even one instant where I thought that I might seriously throw-up. Last time by the end of 6 weeks I hadn't thrown-up but the morning sickness was so bad I would gag constantly in the morning until I ate breakfast, which I had to do laying down or else I might throw-up. Maybe I should just enjoy the lack of morning sickness. Not all pregnant women have it. It wasn't bad last time so maybe it will be even less this time. Maybe I shouldn't compare it to last time either; it was awhile ago and I might not be remembering it exactly. All pregnancies are different, right? It's freaking me out though. If I threw-up, I would know that everything is fine.

Another thing is the headaches. I got such horrible headaches during my last pregnancy. They would start within half an hour of getting to work and looking at the computer. Watching tv when I got home became impossible without dimming all the lights, putting a cold wash cloth on my head, and closing my eyes during the commercials. My eyes and head would hurt all day and I was taking Tylenol every single day which barely helped. I've had the headaches, but they're not as bad. I'm kind of afraid they're fading because last week at work they seemed worse than they have been this week. Could it just be that I'm having a good week? The headaches were the worst thing about being pregnant before and the one thing that made me want to punish my husband for doing this to me. I could handle all else but them. I guess I should be celebrating.

I had pseudo spotting yesterday and today. I think. Yesterday morning when I wiped there was faint pink on the toilet paper. Later, at work, and this is going to sound gross, but I had a bit of discharge that came out into the toilet and also appeared to have pink in it. It was just those two times and it was so miniscule that it might have been nothing. Then, this morning I wiped, and nothing, but when I go to flush I see a few reddish-brown spots on the bottom of the toilet. I'm not sure if it was blood that came out of me or what. They didn't look like clots. Again, they were so small I almost didn't even see them. I wish I hadn't. I don't want to freak out for no reason. I had some instances of brown discharge last time around that I didn't talk to my doctor about in the beginning and all was fine. I've already told myself that I'll make note of it but I'm not going to worry unless it becomes bright red and/or is accompanied with pain.

It sucks being paranoid. I wonder if it's something that all pregnant women who've lost a child before go through. I feel like I'm being extremely critical of everything that is happening to me and my body and overannalyzing to the point that it's driving me crazy. Fact is, when I first found out I was pregnant, the only symptoms I really had were frequent urination, barely sore nipples, and sleeplessness. Now I have those plus my entire breasts are sore and bigger, my stomach is getting a little bigger, I have headaches, I have nausea (sort of), and I'm hungry all the time! All this at 6 weeks and 5 days. My symptoms are clearly increasing so I'm probably worrying about nothing. Agh, I wish I could just be happy and content and not worry about everything. I just have to wait 12 more days until my u/s and I'm sure everything will be fine. That day can't come soon enough.