Halloween was...mediocre. Not as bad as it could have been and not as good as I was hoping. I had been really excited to dress up and go to a couple of parties on Friday and Saturday. We had really great costumes too! I was Flo from progressive and Andrew was the Geico caveman. We made his latex mask from scratch. We got so many compliments! Still, once I was all dressed up, I wasn't as excited to go out anymore. Then, when we got to the parties, all I wanted to do was go home. I've always had a bit of social anxiety but it has become so bad since my losses. It's hard for me to relate to people or really have the desire to converse. It's not too bad if someone pulls me into a conversation but I don't go out of my way to start one. I did try to have fun but it was difficult. I was basically ignoring Halloween in all other aspects because I really wasn't in the Halloween spirit. Why should I be?
Luckily, we didn't have any trick-or-treaters on Sunday. Small children don't bother me as much as babies but seeing them dressed up would still have been a little difficult. When I went to the Halloween store last week and saw all the cute little costumes they had for infants and toddlers, it stung a little. So, Andrew and I ended up eating candy while playing videogames and watching terrible scary movies on Netflix. We have almost eaten our entire six bags of chocolate candy over the course of the last three weeks. Let's say my digestive tract isn't exactly happy about that...neither is my weight! Still, it was nice.
I think I've decided that unless I have a baby next Halloween, I don't think I'm going out. Even if I do, I might opt to stay in and just be in awe of what will be an adorable infant since at this point, the earliest due date I'm looking at is July. I hope all the other BLMs had a gentle Halloween, especially those with due dates or angelversaries in October. We all made it past the first holiday in the string of holiday events that are to come in the next couple of months. We can do it!
Halloween was...mediocre. Not as bad as it could have been and not as good as I was hoping. I had been really excited to dress up and go to a couple of parties on Friday and Saturday. We had really great costumes too! I was Flo from progressive and Andrew was the Geico caveman. We made his latex mask from scratch. We got so many compliments! Still, once I was all dressed up, I wasn't as excited to go out anymore. Then, when we got to the parties, all I wanted to do was go home. I've always had a bit of social anxiety but it has become so bad since my losses. It's hard for me to relate to people or really have the desire to converse. It's not too bad if someone pulls me into a conversation but I don't go out of my way to start one. I did try to have fun but it was difficult. I was basically ignoring Halloween in all other aspects because I really wasn't in the Halloween spirit. Why should I be? 
Luckily, we didn't have any trick-or-treaters on Sunday. Small children don't bother me as much as babies but seeing them dressed up would still have been a little difficult. When I went to the Halloween store last week and saw all the cute little costumes they had for infants and toddlers, it stung a little. So, Andrew and I ended up eating candy while playing videogames and watching terrible scary movies on Netflix. We have almost eaten our entire six bags of chocolate candy over the course of the last three weeks. Let's say my digestive tract isn't exactly happy about that...neither is my weight! Still, it was nice.
I think I've decided that unless I have a baby next Halloween, I don't think I'm going out. Even if I do, I might opt to stay in and just be in awe of what will be an adorable infant since at this point, the earliest due date I'm looking at is July. I hope all the other BLMs had a gentle Halloween, especially those with due dates or angelversaries in October. We all made it past the first holiday in the string of holiday events that are to come in the next couple of months. We can do it!
I like your Halloween costumes!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about having a hard time conversing with people. I often feel like I am living in a completely different world than people who have not experienced babyloss. I just don't know how to relate to them.
Thinking of you...