Unwanted arrival

I woke up this morning and took my temperature. It had dropped. I rolled over and told Andrew I wasn't pregnant. I was so disappointed. I went to the bathroom and had spotting. Aunt Flow had arrived. I just didn't feel pregnant and I'm not. What was with my crazy symptoms? I really felt nauseous that one morning. It was so strange.

I was really upset all morning and started crying on the way to work. I made myself stop. "Stop it dammit!" I shouldn't be getting so upset and if I started first thing in the morning it would be hard to stop and get through the day. It was a rough day anyway and I was distracted at work. I was getting pretty bad cramps towards the afternoon and that depressed me more. I was going to take the afternoon off because I was having a hard time not crying but ended up having to stay and do more work.

I went home for lunch and on my way back I was going down a hill and saw a father and his two young sons riding up the hill. The younger one was probably about 5 or 6 and was having a tough time making it up the hill. I saw his father get close, grab the back of his son's bike seat, and help push him up the hill. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. I smiled. Then my breath left my chest. It was as if someone had squeezed all the oxygen from my lungs and tears starting streaming down my face. I have never been so unexpectedly overcome by such emotion.

Will Andrew ever have the same moment with our children one day? I know I am lucky to have been able to get pregnant so quickly the last two times but I was too confident in my ability. I knew it could take awhile but for the first time I really have to face that fact. We might not get pregnant right away. With all the answers I've received, I'm ready to get pregnant and start this journey again. Time is running out. On to August and hoping for a May baby.